April 21 Kiki called me today and told me that she was feeling sick so I ran to Nook's and bought 25 bottles of aspirins. "Are you sure you need that many?" Nook asked. "Sometimes," I said, "you gotta go a little overboard to help a person in need." I was very angry when Kiki refused to pay me the 10,000 Bells for the aspirins but Nook wouldn't buy them back so I threw them in the holding pond.
April 22 I went back to Kiki house to see if she was still sick. She was. I decided to tell her a funny story but she kept interrupting me to tell me that I was making her headache worse so I had to talk even louder to talk over her. I think she liked my story because she smiled as I left.
April 23 I returned to Kiki's house again to comfort her during her sickness. She told me that she was feeling better, but just to make sure, I sang her a song:
When I was done, Kiki hopped up out of bed and told me how much she loved my song as she pushed me from her house.
April 25 I tripped on my way out of my house today. I was annoyed to find a big pile of newspapers stacked up on my welcome mat. I asked Static why there were newspapers at my door and he rolled his eyes at me. "Those have been piling up there since you moved in! You've only now just noticed them?" "I guess Admiral was right about me not noticing stuff in the world," I said. "That's not what I said," said Admiral, walking over to us. "I said that you're egocentric and only care about yourself." I blushed profusely as Static laughed.
April 27 I have spent the past few days reading all the weekly newspapers that have piled up on my porch. I had tried doing the crossword puzzles but they made me mad so I lit them on fire.
April 28 Admiral forced himself into my house today and told me that I'm being totally obsessed with my newspapers.
April 29 Admiral and Punchy insisted that I throw away all of the newspaper so I did. So now I'm sad because I don't have any newspaper.
April 30 A new newspaper arrived today! The weather report was the first thing I read. "OH NO!" I probably blurted out loud. "Thunderstorms on the 4th! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" You see, thunder and lightning are my biggest fears. I decided to panic.
March 1 Today I ran around town, shouting to everybody about the thunderstorms that were due to burn down all our houses and electrocute all of us to death. "Don't make a fool of yourself," Admiral reminded me under his breath. Yeesh, he's said that so much that it's lost all meaning.
March 2 I'm really panicking about this thunderstorm that's coming to kill us. Look, I'm so panicked that I've been writing March instead of May this month! I tried to call everybody together to have a meeting about what we should do when the thunderstorm gets here, but nobody would stay very long. When Pompom tried to leave, I grabbed her by her sleeve until Admiral grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me away from everyone. "LOOK!" he said, "I CAN'T KEEP BABYSITTING YOU!" He took a breath, and said, "Look at me, getting fired up. You too need to calm down. This thunder's going to be nothing. In fact, the storm will probably pass right by—" but I interrupted him by screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! THE THUNDER IS COMING!" I pointed up, "AAAAAAAAAHHH! Oh, wait, it's just a tree branch."
May 3 Today, I went to the Able Sisters' shop. Mable greeted me and smiled until I asked, "Do you have any lightning-proof umbrellas?" They laughed and I got embarrassed and left.
May 4 I spent all day hiding under my bed, surrounding myself with pillows. I locked and barricaded the door. Eventually, some time in the afternoon, I fell asleep. I awoke several hours later, still under my bed, to the deafening crack of thunder. I panicked and ran outside screaming. "HELP, THE THUNDER IS HERE, WHAT DO WE DO?" "Get inside, you idiot!" Static shouted from his door. "GET OVER HERE NOW!" I ran into his house and hid underneath his bed sheets. He started yelling at me, saying stuff like how he had just made his bed and he said a lot of bad words that I think are illegal to write down. When the thunder was over, I got out from under the sheets, brushed myself off, and said to Static, "So, wanna go fishing?"
May 7
I guess it's a good thing we got a new neighbor in town today. It distracted me from the nightmares I had about the thunderstorm. His name is Lucky. I asked him about the bandages and he hesitated before he told me. He told me the story about how he had fallen off a cliff and into the chimney of a house at the bottom of the cliff. "How did you fall off the cliff?" I asked. "Oh, I was being stung by a bunch of bees and couldn't see the cliff because I was running and screaming with my eyes closed. The bees were chasing me because I had shaken a tree and the beehive fell off the tree and hit me in the head." "Oh," I said, "don't get me started with bees."
May 10 Kiki, Punchy, Lucky, Admiral, and I were playing poker today. There was one hand I thought I was going to win because I had two pairs. I bet quite a few chips but Punchy has a higher hand: three aces. So I lost that hand. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
May 12 Today, Pompom asked me what my favorite color was. "Orange!" I said. "Wrong!" she said, smiling as she walked away. I cried myself to sleep that night.
May 14 The newspaper today said it would get really hot today, and it was right! It's sweatingly hot! I ran around all day with ice shoved under my hat. I got brain freeze and it made me go bonkers!
May 16
It was really hot today so I was swimming in the holding pond (because the ocean water is too deep) when Punchy walked by. He was panting, so I splashed him. "Yikes!" he said. "Don't do that! I hate water!" "That's nonsense!" I said. I grabbed him by his wrists and pulled him into the water. That's when Punchy went berserk. I jumped out of the water so that he couldn't yell at me.
May 17 Punchy's still mad at me. I went over to Nook's store to ask him why. "Don't you know that all cats hate water?" he asked me. When I shook my head, he laughed. "Oh boy, you're such a stupid little kid. "I wanted him to play with me." "Cats hate water," Nook said slowly. "That means he won't play with you." "Will you play in the water with me?" I asked. "No," was the last thing I heard as I was pushed from the store.
May 18 I was in the holding pond again and Punchy was walking past again. "Come on," I said, "let me splash you!" "Only if you'll let me splash you first!" said Punchy. Then Punchy started splashing the water and I started crying. I got really embarrassed so I got up and ran away. Actually, no, wait, I wasn't crying... It was the pond water splashing in my eyes...
May 20 I was over at Lucky's house today. I asked him to take off his bandages so I could see if he was healed, but he didn't want me to. Ah, Lucky, two can play at this game...
May 21 Today, I wrapped myself in bandages to look like Lucky. I ran outside to go show Lucky (to cheer him up) but I shut my front door on the bandages, only I didn't know it then. So I kept running and was about to jump down the ledge and that's when the bandages got caught, so I got stuck hanging from the ledge by my bandages! Oh dear!
May 22 Today, Kiki noticed me hanging from my bandages. "I'll get you down!" she said. So she climbed up to the top of the ledge and got out her scissors and cut the bandage and I fell, and, SNAP! my arm broke! Ouch.
May 24 Punchy and I were fishing this afternoon in the rain and I was getting jealous because he kept getting lots of bass so I found a big juicy worm off of the ground and stuck it onto my fishing hook and threw that into the water. A few minutes later, I felt a big tug on my line, so I pulled really hard, and out of the water came a BIG SCARY MONSTER FISH!
May 25 Punchy and I returned to where we saw the coelacanth, and I was going to catch it, but I got scared and ran away.
May 27 Punchy finally got me to go back to where we saw the coelacanth, but it took him a lot of Bells to encourage me to go back. And Admiral went with us this time. So anyway, I put a big juicy worm on the hook, cast the line into the water, and we stood there. As we stood, Admiral told Punchy about the time when I got hit by the firework on Fireworks Day and how I was unconscious for ten hours and how most of everybody thought I was dead. Oh, memories. Suddenly, I felt a big tug on my line. And I got scared and let go of the fishing rod and it was carried under the water. "That's the last time I let you borrow my fishing rod!" yelled Punchy, stomping his feet and storming off.
May 28 Today I went to Nook's to buy a fishing rod. "That'll be 500 Bells!" said Nook. I dug through my wallet but didn't find any money. "I'm afraid you don't have enough to buy a fishing rod," said Nook. "That's okay," I said, resisting the urge to strangle Nook, "I'll make my own fishing rod." So I stepped outside and climbed a tree to get a tree branch. "Get down from there!" Admiral yelled up to me, "You're going to fall and break your arm again!" And sure enough, WHEE! Wow, Admiral knows me so well!
May 29 I went to Punchy's house today to ask him if he wanted to go find the coelacanth again. "No," said Punchy, "I don't think so. You've destroyed all of our fishing rods." Oh well, I'm sick of this stupid coelacanth anyway.
June 1 Today, I got a letter from the HRA, so I ran to Nook's. "It stands for Happy Room Academy," he said. "They're a committee of judges who rate your house based on its overall appearance." "Oh boy, I'm gonna win!" I said. "Well," said Nook, "it's not really a contest, but I can submit you to their list if you want." "Okay!" So then I ran home and started to cry when I realized what a mess my house has become.
June 2 I decided to start cleaning my house today. After cleaning out all the cereal box tops and rotten apple cores, I was shocked to realize that I hardly have any furniture at all!
June 3 Today, I ran over to Admiral's to borrow his furniture. He wasn't happy to hear this. "No, you certainly can't have my furniture! And besides, how long were you wanting to borrow it?" "Oh," I realized that I was never intending to give Admiral back his stuff. "Yeah, you need to think things out a little more." Yeesh, Admiral doesn't seem to be as nice to me anymore.
June 4 I was running around town today looking for furniture when I came across a big tent. "Hello!!!" I screamed through the tent. "You and me," said a familiar voice, "we're buddies, right?" "I love everybody!" I screamed. "Well, then, do you know the password? 'Bottom dollar...' " And I stood there ALL DAY guessing passwords. After a while, the voice stopped telling me I was wrong so I just cried my way home.
June 5 I called a town meeting to discuss this mysterious tent in town, but only Punchy, Pompom, and Kiki came. "I don't know if I feel comfortable with this tent here," said Pompom. "The man inside is clearly hiding something." "Maybe he'll kill us all!" I said. "Maybe he has a bomb in there!" said Punchy. And I ran home screaming.
June 6 Today I went to Nook's store to whine about the tent. "Oh, that sounds like my old friend, Crazy Redd. We used to be friends but we stopped when he started ripping people off." "Ripping people off of what?" I asked. "Oh," Nook said, "he sells low-quality merchandise in that tent."
June 7
I went back to Redd's tent today to try to guess the password. I sat there for hours, guessing passwords like "banana", "smorglepruff", and "buglughugjug" until Redd finally opened the tent, shouting, "The password's 'Top dog!' If I let you in, will you stop this stupid guessing game?!?" I nodded my head and entered the tent behind Redd. He had a lot of really cool stuff, and I bought it all and put it all in my house.
June 8 All the stuff I bought from Redd is broken. I realized that the wooden table I bought was made out of styrofoam! And the grandfather clock just had the hands painted on! I took this stuff to Nook but he refused to buy any of it from me. "Looks like Redd ripped you off!" he laughed. So I ran to Redd's tent, but it was gone! So then I ran to Kiki's house and asked her a question. "What does 'rip off' mean?" "It means that you bought something that was worthless but paid a lot more for it." "Oh," I said. Then I got mad that I got ripped off and I stepped outside and I stomped on all of Kiki's flowers and ran away before she could see me.
June 9 When I woke up, I found a letter from the HRA in my mailbox, addressed to me:
It was then that I realized what a mess my house had become due to my frantic trying to piece everything back together that had broken. I pulled my garden hose inside and squirted everything out through the front door into the front yard. Good riddance.
June 11 It's gotten really really hot here! It never got this hot in Garthton! It's like 90 degrees here! I ran over to Nook's to buy some ice, but I was bitterly disappointed! He doesn't sell any ice! Then he told me that he's never ever sold ice! As I left, I blew hot air in his face so that maybe he would get inspire to buy some ice.
June 12 It seemed even hotter today, so I decided not to wear my hat today. As I was running around outside, people kept looking at me and laughing. I started to realize it was because I had a bad case of hat hair, so I put on a paper bag to cover my hair. So I kept running around and I kept running into trees and houses and stuff. Then I knew that I had forgotten to cut eyeholes and that's why I couldn't see anything!
June 14 Today it was NINETY DEGREES! HOT! Late in the afternoon, I couldn't tell if the moisture all over me was sweat from being hot, or tears from crying because it was too hot.
June 17 I was down by the beach today, splashing in the waves, when I noticed Kiki collapse from the heat. Black cats have it bad, having to wear a fur coat all summer. I dragged her into her house, threw her onto her bed, and soaked her in ice cold water. That's when she woke up. Then I made sure to force feed her plenty of aspirins. When she got up to shove me out of the door, I knew she was in good enough shape to make it the rest of the day.
June 18 Today, instead of deciding to remove my hat, I decided to put ice in it to chill my head all day. But it turns out I put too much ice in it—I froze my brains out! Now it hurts to think (but that's okay because I don't need to do that often anyway).
June 19 I slept in a little late this morning—it was 3 in the afternoon when I woke up—when I looked out the window and noticed that everyone was running around with nets today. I ran out and asked Pompom why everyone had nets. "Today's the start of the Bug Off!" "The what?" I asked. "Bug Off!" she said. And I got sad that she told me to bug off and decided to spend the rest of the day sulking under my bed.
June 20 "The Bug Off," said Robin, who was standing at my door, "is a bug catching contest. Do you have a net?" I told her the long and arduous story about how I had lost my net in March when my old neighbors burned my old house down. "Oh, well, you can have my net," she said, handing it to me. "I think it's a horrible idea to subject those poor bugs to our childish game of catching and humiliating those poor, defenseless bugs, and I refuse to participate in it." "Uh huh," I said, not really listening. "I mean," she kept going on, "what do you think are the moral implications of us playing games with the smaller species? Who do we think we are?" And then to get her to shut up I hit her over the head with my net.
June 21
I ran outside, eager to catch bugs today. I ran around, shaking trees, hoping to see a bug fall out, but didn't find any. Then I tripped and saw a big, hairy tarantula sitting on the ground. I got scared so I got up and started running and I tripped again and this time there was a huge, pointy scorpion an inch from my face. I started screaming and started running again and saw Punchy so I went and hid behind him. He told me about how bugs are small and stupid and once they're in your net, they're not so dangerous after all. Then Static came over and called me a wimp. I raised my net to hit him in the head but I stopped when I felt something else hit me in the head. Admiral had hit me in the head with his net. "Don't you go starting trouble," he said. Okay, whatever.
June 22 I ran around searching for bugs again today. I decided to start again by shaking trees when a big, huge beehive fell out of one tree. I got scared and took out my net and tried to catch the bees while still running away and not getting stung, but it was too hard to turn around and swing my net and the bees got to me first and stung my face and ARRRRGH! I hate bugs!
June 23 I decided to avoid bugs altogether today. I just stood with my net in one place to avoid all instances of bugs. Suddenly, I saw a pretty blue butterfly go right into my net. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept holding the net up. Then Static ran over to me. "Give me that butterfly!" "It's mine!" I said, stomping my foot down. "Give it to me! You don't deserve to win!" he said. "No! It's my butterfly!" Then, without thinking, I threw the net far away and it fell into the river and floated out to the ocean. "Now nobody gets the butterfly!" I said. Ha.
June 24 Today, the Bug Off officially ended, and everybody realized that nobody had caught any bugs in the contest, so nobody won. Which is fine with me, because I'd rather everybody lose than have somebody beat me.
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