Picard lay in bed that evening in his bedroom in the Enterprise, thinking about what had happened earlier that day.

“Those darn Borgs,” he said to himself.

Suddenly, the door opened automatically.  Data walked into the room.  “Would you like anything before going to bed?  A bedtime story, perhaps?”

“No…” Picard said.

“It would appear that you are upset about something,” Data said.

“I’m upset because they tried to kill me at my party.”

“Oh,” Data said.  Even though he was a robot, and therefore unable to feel sorry for people, he still felt sorry for Picard.  “Is there anything I can do?”

“Let’s declare war on the Borgs.”  Picard got out from under the covers and began walking to the bridge room.  “Riker,” he ordered, “put the Borgs up on the big communication screen.”

“Sir, it’s probably past their bedtime.”

“I SAID DO IT!”

Riker pushed a button on the control panel that was labeled “Put Borgs on Screen”.  Then, on the big communication screen, the Borgs appeared.

“Why did you humiliate me at my birthday party?” Picard asked meanly.

“We planned the whole thing—we were going to kill you, John Luc Picard.”

“My name’s Jean Luc, not John Luc!” Picard said.

“John Luc John Luc Johnny Johnny Luc Luc…” the Borgs teased.

“Quit it!” Picard whined.

“You’re making him sad,” Riker complained to the Borgs.

Picard wiped his tears on his sleeve.  “Don’t!” Picard said.

“Oh, quit whining,” the Borgs said.  “It’s not our fault!”

“THAT’S IT!” Picard said, infuriated.  “FROM NOW ON, WE’RE AT WAR!”

“Sir,” Data said in his robovoice, “I strongly advise against spacewar, especially during this time of universal peace.”

“No,” Picard demanded.  “I demand that we have to go to war.”

“Fine be it,” said the Borgs.

“Tomorrow at 5:00 AM, we will meet on the planet Syowetajo in front of the Poeoreas Building of Peace.”

“Fine,” the Borgs said.  “And we’re going to win.”

“Fat chance!” Picard said, placing his hands on his hips.  “We’ll see you tomorrow at 5:00 AM.”

“Fine!” the Borgs said.  “Prepare to lose.  Do you have your tombstones ready for when you are buried?”

“Yes,” Riker said, “we are ready to die.”

“End communication,” said Picard.  Riker pushed the button that said “stop talking to the Borgs.”

Riker gave Picard a thumbs-up.  “They’re off air.”

“Good,” Picard said.

“Uh, sir,” Worf said, turning to Picard, “We don’t have any land weapons.  Sure, our Enterprise has laser guns, but we don’t have any weapons to carry around on land.”

“Oh,” LaForge said cheerily, “Oooooh, shopping spree!”

Data raised his hand.  “Sir, I am programmed to find us all the best discounts in the universe,” he said, printing a bunch of coupons out of the top of his head.

Picard looked angry.  “Stop wasting ink.”

* * *

They all arrived in SpaceNordstrom.  Picard was fascinated by all of the cool futuristic clothes.

They walked to the weaponry counter.  “We would like twenty-five zappers and fifty blaster guns.

“That’ll be five-thousand space dollars,” the cashier said.

“Five-THOUSAND???”  Riker yelled in disbelief.  All he had in his pocket were seven space nickels.  “What if I didn’t ‘pay’ you?” Riker asked.

“Then you’d be committing space theft.”

Riker turned quietly to Picard and LaForge.  “I suggest we ‘steal’ all these weapons.”

Picard agreed.  “Yes, it’ll be fun.”

Data interrupted.  “It would appear that you are considering theft.  Would you like assistance?”

“No,” Picard said.  “Shut up and go sit in the Enterprise.”

Data walked off with his head hung low, muttering, “Jeez…every time I try to help...”

“I’m glad he’s gone,” Riker said.

“How are we going to steal these guns?” LaForge asked.

“We need to cause a distraction,” Picard said.  “Riker, go run and cause a fire or something.”

Riker frowned.  “I left my matches in the Enterprise.”

Oh, I never got around to finishing this.  So sorry.  To finish it now wouldn't be appropriate, as everything I wrote above was before I became acquainted with the characters and plotlines of Star Trek.